| Why put forth this much effort?
When nothing comes in return.
When nights alone lead to nothing but tears.
And anger.
When all I want is to be held.
And he's somewhere else.
I love him...
I do.
But why do I do this to myself?
Why subject myself to inevitable pain?
I know he loves me.
I know he doesn't mean harm.
But does he know he hurts me?
Almost daily.
Every time he leaves, 'just because.'
That's not good enough!
Is this worth it?
I don't know what would happen.
Would I turn from everyone?
Even God?
Or would I stand strong and not cower...
Would I turn to drugs and alcohol?
Would I be a whore?
Could I ever love someone else?
All these questions I ask of myself.
Almost daily.
Only one way to find the answers.
But I am afraid.
Afraid of the pain.
The sorrow.
The regret.
The loss of my best friend.
The loss of my everything.
My love.
Do I tell him the truth?
About how I feel.
About how he makes me feel.
Almost daily.
The time will come.
When he asks for my hand.
Will I say yes?
I think that will be the case.
I won't speak up.
Will I live in pain?
Will things change?
Will he quit ignoring my obvious needs?
Or will I be alone?
Will I cry?
If I don't speak up...
Is that how I will live...
Almost daily.
I have hope for this man.
This one I have come to call mine.
I believe he is my Prince Charming.
Come to save me.
I wonder how life would be..
If he showed it.
If he acted his part.
Do I not act the damsel in distress?
Almost daily.
Don't misunderstand me.
I love this man.
Truly.
Wholly.
With all I have.
He knows it's true.
I know it is, too.
I tell him so.
Almost daily.
And he tells me he loves me.
He sometimes holds me.
I get what I dream of...
But rarely.
I wonder...
Could things be different?
If I was his Princess...
Almost daily.
End.
Dedicated to my loving, but oblivious man.
|
| |
| love
joy
peace
laughter
anger
hate
bitterness
anxiousness
sorrow
depression
happiness
blank
shy
scared
confused
lost
forgotten
calm
collected
victorious
brave
beautiful
myself.
|
| |
| well here i am sitting at work... i read every xanga entry i ever wrote... all of them. brought me to tears... some of them brought laughter... others anger... depression... and confusion... i was one messed up kid and man have i CHANGED... in a way i miss that quirky kid i used to be... now i am an "adult" and am forced to be responsible... strike that. i dont think i am forced... pretty sure i CHOSE to be responsible... idk why i give a shit... anywho..i'm going to go for now. to anyone actually reading... idk. |
| |
| well... what the hell will i do with xanga? nothing other than come on here to post stupid shit once every two years and to read all the old stuff... anywho. leave me a comment ha ha.
|
| |
| | i'm deleting my xanga.... i dont use it anymore... sooo.... i'll give you a week or so to comment, say goodbye to my beloved. ha ha. we've been thru so much together.... well... too-da-looo! | |
|
| |
Talk
in my 